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Less flippantly
Onions, garlic, cumin (lots please), chopped green chilies - fried in olive oil. Add meat substitute or lentils or whatever takes our fancy and fry off in spices. Then add red beans and tinned crushed/fresh chopped tomatoes and cook until hunger pangs will bear no more.
There's rarely any choccie for adding, since we've usually scoffed any choccie bought on the pretence of "keeping for cooking" before the need to use it arises. Bad timing is our speciality.
Secret ingredient: oregano
De rigeur: hot bread and warm garlicky, herby, olive oil for dunking